In a previous post, I gave some hints about warning signs that communication in your relationship might be a problem area. I hope by now you’ve already evaluated your current relationship. If you came here convinced that you are in a controlling relationship, just continue reading because I will be talking about how you can deal with it.
If you were to ask me or anyone, of course the initial advice would be for you to end the relationship. ASAP. Because I know that a controlling/manipulative behavior may eventually lead to an abusive relationship (physical/emotional/verbal). However, I truly understand how hard it is especially if you love the person. So if you have the patience and perseverance to make your relationship work, try these different ways to somehow control it and see how your partner accepts them.
Talk to your partner.
Try to reason out with your partner in a calm and mature way. Never yell or start a fight because it will just make things worse. Ask for explanations and discuss how it makes you feel. This way, you get to understand where your partner is coming from and vice versa.
Put your partner in your shoes.
Try to ask your partner what he/she would feel if you were to do what he/she does to you. Just to make him/her imagine the pain that you might be experiencing.
Don’t expect things to happen overnight. Understand that it is a psychological/behavioral problem and that it will take time before your partner completely changes.
Being dependent on your partner shows weakness thus making him/her more controlling. Show your partner that you can stand on your feet and that you can live without him/her. Don’t let your world revolve around your partner alone.
Don’t be a pushover.
Say no if you disagree with your partner. Express displeasure if you don’t like what your partner is doing to you or is asking you to do.
Show love and respect.
Maybe these behavioral issues come from your partner’s insecurities or lack of attention. Show him/her that you respect him and that you love him/her because he/she might just let go of the need to control.
Sometimes your partner became controlling because of what you actually did. Probably, you were caught cheating or hiding things from him/her thus resulting to his/her controlling behavior.
Now, if you did everything and gave your partner numerous chances and still, he/she didn’t change, then I guess it’s time to end the relationship and save yourself from this dilemma.